


Automatons of Passion

by FaustianDevil



Series: Things are better if I stay [3]
Category: Syberia
Genre: And most importantly Reactors of Passion, And murder jokes, Can't have murderbot without murder jokes, F/M, I do make references to Baudelaire tho, No pretentious classical literature quotes this time around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 21:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12756951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaustianDevil/pseuds/FaustianDevil
Summary: “And that concludes tonight’s thrilling episode of Reactors of Passion. To find out what’s next, tune in again tomorrow!”James and Helena listen to Reactors of Passion and James hates every minute of it.





	Automatons of Passion

**Author's Note:**

> Been meaning to do something with Reactors of Passion for a while. Also if you happen to notice any possible metaphors in Reactors of Passion to a certain other human/automaton pair, know that your eyes are not decieving you.
> 
> Hey if you like my work go and give it some kudos or comments, would really appreciate it.

_„Oh Piotr, why must you leave me? I can hardly bear the thought of being without you for even a second, and now you even wish to abandon me, my love. Why, oh, why?”_

A loud mechanical groan could be heard next to the creaking of the old radio and right after it a shush.

_„Oh, you cruel man! How can you do this to me? Why must you do this to me? Is it because of … Yuri?”_

\- Of course it is! There are only 5 people in this dreadful show!  
\- James, can it!

The automaton let out another grumble as he jerked his head backwards along with the rest of his torso to be as far away from the radio as much as he could while his mistress tried to enjoy the disastrously written soap opera that was Reactors of Passion.

_„Genia, my dear, you must understand that I have no say in it. I must leave you. You are to be wed to Yuri. That is how your parents have decided. We must not go against their wishes.”_

_„No, Piotr, we must! We can’t give up so easily! Love is always worth fighting for!”_

\- I wish I had eyes, so I could roll them hehe.  
\- James, what did I say?

The old woman didn’t tear her head away from the radio to face the automaton, but he knew that if he dared make another smart comment she’ll be ready to glare a hole in him.

_„Or is it maybe that … that you do not even love me anymore?”_

_„Genia, how could you even say such a thing? Of course I do! I still do! And forever more!”_

_„Then fight for me!”_

\- Fight? I bet the boy can’t even tell his left fist from his right hehe!  
\- James, for the last time!

Now she was facing him and giving him one of her World famous death glares, or tried to, with James still leaning as far from the radio as much as he could in a back breaking position.

\- I just don’t understand?  
\- They are in love, James and sometimes that makes you … foolish … it’s something that you can never understand …  
\- Madame, your words wound me! I do have a heart, you know that very well, you were the one who wound me up after all! … And it’s not that!

With that he sat back up again, making a few horrid grinding and screeching noises as he did.

\- Madame, why must you insist that I listen to …

He gestured towards the radio.

\- Whatever this is supposed to be … You know very well that I can’t stand it.  
\- Do you not like spending time with me, James?  
\- You know my answer to that very well, Madame.

_„Genia, my dear you know I would climb the highest mountains, swim through the deepest sea, cross over the endless desert for you to prove my undying love!”_

James shuddered at the upcoming lines and tried everything to bite his non-existent tongue in order to stop himself from making any more unwanted commentary on the radio show, which proved to be harder than he thought.

\- If Madame wishes to I can always recite her some poems oozing and dripping with the human emotion that is love in each stanza … and much better written at that too … so how about we forget about this here …

He crept his hand toward the radio’s switch, but it was slapped away before he could even touch it.

\- Not after the last one you don’t!  
\- What? I think it was quite … romantic!  
\- It was morbid!  
\- It was Baudelaire!  
\- I don’t care what it was, it was in bad taste!  
\- It’s grotesque!  
\- I agree! That it was!

He stifled a laughter that soon would have died down anyway as the silence of their conversation gave way to the radio’s noise to take over once again.

_“You foolish man, I do not wish for you to do any of those! I want you to truly fight for me! Prove to me that you are not just words, but action as well! Challenge Yuri to a duel for my hand!”_

\- Honestly she has the most brains in this horrid program.  
\- Are you finally enjoying it?

He was ready to reply, but Piotr’s wailing cut him off before he could do so.

_“Oh, but Genia I cannot do that … Yuri is my friend.”_

\- Not in the slightest, Madame.

_“I see … You are a coward … To think that I have loved a man such as you …”_

_“Genia, wait …”_

“No, do not come any closer! Leave! I do not wish to see you ever again!”

\- Madame, you can’t possibly be enjoying this …  
\- Shush! It’s getting interesting!  
\- On the contrary! First Piotr wants to leave her, and now, not even a minute later he wants her back. Where is the logic in this, if I may ask?  
\- Love is not logical! I told you already!  
\- That may be so, but the writing should be!  
\- If you are such an expert, how would you fix it?  
\- Easy …

It actually wasn’t, the story has been going on for over a 100 or so episodes now with no ending in sight and with a storyline going in all sorts of directions except towards a possible end. James did need a few minutes to ponder on his answer while his mistress just smiled at him until he came up with a possible solution.

\- Murder!  
\- … I’m starting to worry about you, James.  
\- No, that would solve everything! If Yuri is out of the picture, Piotr and Genia can be together, this show can finally come to an end and I wouldn’t have to listen to it ever again!  
\- And how would they do it?  
\- With an axe!  
\- I really am worried now. … I saw you reading Crime and Punishment the other day. … Are you trying to come up with certain ideas from it? … Should I be worried as well?  
\- I would never lay a finger on Madame in such a way! Just the very thought is sickening! How could you even think that I would ever hurt you, Helena? Never! If even the thought would cross my mind I would personally roll myself off the pier to be swallowed by dark waters of the Aral Sea!  
\- That’s a relief … a tad bit dramatic though …  
\- Yes, in a way it’s quite romantic even … sacrificing oneself to save the one you love …

He laughed nervously and corrected himself before his mistress could say anything about it.

\- Erm or been stuck together with … or been working for for nearly a decade now hehe …  
\- No, it’s not, it’s really not romantic at all, to think that you would just …  
\- Is Madame implying she would miss me?

She refused to answer and changed the subject.

\- … Go on with your idea instead.  
\- As you wish, Madame. … Where was I?  
\- You wanted to axe Yuri.  
\- Ah, yes! Chop him up and throw his remains into the river! That should take care of everything … I mean there are only 5 people on this so finding the criminal would be easy to say the least, but if they bought back uncle Josef 3 times now from near death I think it could be believable to end it at that.  
\- You should write your idea to them.  
\- Maybe I will.

He cared not for his mistress’ laughter and felt pride in his own ideas of ending that horrible show, which in turns have came to its final moments in the episode as well with the announcer biding the listeners a goodbye.

_“And that concludes tonight’s thrilling episode of Reactors of Passion. To find out what’s next, tune in again tomorrow!”_

\- Oh look now, you made me miss the end.  
\- Madame, should thank me, nothing thrilling actually happened. Piotr later went back to Genia and proposed that instead of a duel they elope together under the night and board the next possible train to some far away land.  
\- … And just how do you know all that?  
He turned his head away from her as he answered.  
\- I knew that if I didn’t listen Madame would get angry with me again, and I couldn’t bear the thought of it.  
\- Aww, so you can make yourself useful sometimes.  
\- ... I am deeply hurt, Madame.  
\- I was just joking, James. In trade you can read me one of your bizarre love poems. … But try to choose one that doesn’t have such morbid metaphors in it for a change.  
\- As you wish, Madame.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is wondering which poem they are talking about it's Une Charogne (A Carcass) by Charles Baudelaire from the Flowers of Evil collection.


End file.
